Finally, i had finished all my final papers, and yes, it was really a tiring and also a disappointed journey. Not onli wat happpened during the 1st paper, also, the next few exam paper, everything was not well, and i believe the result wil be not well too .....
Finally finish my 4 years of degree life (hopefully, since ... at tis moment, i also cant say whether i can grad by this sem onot because i am really not confident to pass my papers at all). What can i conclude for this four years is, i am really feeling disappointed with myself. Dunno y, i really couldnt get a good result, i believe tat, this not onli make myself disappointed, it disappointed my parents too, since i think they are putting high hope on their children, wishing tat their children can do better in everthing. Somemore, i have no confident tat i can grad by this sem, this really make me feel nervous when think about it, i tried to persuade myself very hard for not to think about it, but at time, it really come to my mind and i cant stop thinking.
Well, wat can i do next if i really grad? Find a job i think... before tat i was thinking to take master, but now i am really disappointed with myself, so better find a job for myself. But, i felt no confident at all.... dad said tat he wil try to ask around whether is there any job for me and asked for my result, i felt shameful with my result, i felt shameful to make my dad shameful as well if he tells ppl hows my result when trying to ask job for me.
Actually, i would prefer to find a job myself, cz i really dun wan to make my dad so shameful, but, at the same time, i dun think is good to just reject my dad's idea, since wat he did is for my own good too ... sigh ...... i really disappointed with myself anyway.
I dunno , mayb i am a perfectionist, but, not 100 % perfectionist, haha...... cz, i will only feel confident if something is perfect, otherwise, i will feel no confident at all, really no at all ..... like for now, i dun even have confident to go find job, just because my result is not perfect at all. I know tat the world is realistic and if u are not perfect, then no one wil look up on u, ppl might just look down on u, this is a realistic world and now, i am feeling scare to enter this realistic world.
Anyway, i need to brave myself and be strong, no matter how ... i stil need to go on with my journey........ wish me luck ~~
Showing posts with label Uni Life ~ 学涯故事. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Uni Life ~ 学涯故事. Show all posts
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
I am so scare right now ...
Today is the first day of my final exam, but then things really doesn't goes well....
I did my revision last night until 4am and then went to sleep and set my alarm to be 6am, 6.30am and 7am.... cz i tot to wake up in the morning to do final revision before going to exam. But mayb i am too tired recently until couldn't hear the alarm at all. Until when i woke up this morning, is already 9.20am, and my exam started at 9am. I was shocked, really scared, dunno wat to do and quickly run to uni hopefully to sit the exam on time, because according to the rules, if we are late for 30min during the exam then we are not eligible to sit for the exam and need to repeat this subject for next year. I reached there at 9.40am and supposed to be late but i beg the lecturer to let me sit for the exam and at last, he agreed, i was really grateful to him, otherwise, i have no hope to graduate at all.
The paper end at 11am, i sat at 9.40am and i was stil in a shock condition, i am scare and shivering all the time. Seeing the time passed minutes to minutes, my heart really beating fast and even gastric. I really too worry until i couldn't think of anything. Supposingly the question not very hard and i can do it, but then i am really too worry until i mess up everything inside my mind and at last, i really couldn't write out anything that can contribute marks for my exam.
I felt disappointed as i studied hard for this subject but then end up like this. I studied hard on this first subject cz i know very well on myself that, each exam period, i will never get the best result for the first paper, because i will be very nervous for the first paper, stress until i really cannot do it well, that's well i know myself very well that i will never do well in the first paper. I tried hard to cope with it, tried hard to not to make myself so nervous and be calm, but still cant.
I thought it is ok if i cannot pass this subject because i still have another hope for the supplymentary paper. So after the exam, i went to the office lobby to look for supp paper's time table, to my surprise, no time table for supp paper at all, then only one things come to my mind "is there still a supp paper for us" ? Because, the uni examination system did changed before, i am not sure start from which year, the new batch of students tat come in will no longer have supp paper anymore. If they fail in the paper, they wil need to repeat it on the next sem. This subject is a elective subject for me, and is combined with some other course's junior. So, what m i worry now is that, will it be because of this, we are actually having no more supp paper now ?
I really have no hope at the moment. If there is no supp paper for this subject, then i will not be graduating this sem. I will make my family disappointed, but what can i do now ? I feel sad when think that i cant graduate this sem, i feel worry and nervous when think that i have make my family disappointed.
I am really losing hope now ... four more papers ahead, but i dunno how to face everything anymore ~~~
I did my revision last night until 4am and then went to sleep and set my alarm to be 6am, 6.30am and 7am.... cz i tot to wake up in the morning to do final revision before going to exam. But mayb i am too tired recently until couldn't hear the alarm at all. Until when i woke up this morning, is already 9.20am, and my exam started at 9am. I was shocked, really scared, dunno wat to do and quickly run to uni hopefully to sit the exam on time, because according to the rules, if we are late for 30min during the exam then we are not eligible to sit for the exam and need to repeat this subject for next year. I reached there at 9.40am and supposed to be late but i beg the lecturer to let me sit for the exam and at last, he agreed, i was really grateful to him, otherwise, i have no hope to graduate at all.
The paper end at 11am, i sat at 9.40am and i was stil in a shock condition, i am scare and shivering all the time. Seeing the time passed minutes to minutes, my heart really beating fast and even gastric. I really too worry until i couldn't think of anything. Supposingly the question not very hard and i can do it, but then i am really too worry until i mess up everything inside my mind and at last, i really couldn't write out anything that can contribute marks for my exam.
I felt disappointed as i studied hard for this subject but then end up like this. I studied hard on this first subject cz i know very well on myself that, each exam period, i will never get the best result for the first paper, because i will be very nervous for the first paper, stress until i really cannot do it well, that's well i know myself very well that i will never do well in the first paper. I tried hard to cope with it, tried hard to not to make myself so nervous and be calm, but still cant.
I thought it is ok if i cannot pass this subject because i still have another hope for the supplymentary paper. So after the exam, i went to the office lobby to look for supp paper's time table, to my surprise, no time table for supp paper at all, then only one things come to my mind "is there still a supp paper for us" ? Because, the uni examination system did changed before, i am not sure start from which year, the new batch of students tat come in will no longer have supp paper anymore. If they fail in the paper, they wil need to repeat it on the next sem. This subject is a elective subject for me, and is combined with some other course's junior. So, what m i worry now is that, will it be because of this, we are actually having no more supp paper now ?
I really have no hope at the moment. If there is no supp paper for this subject, then i will not be graduating this sem. I will make my family disappointed, but what can i do now ? I feel sad when think that i cant graduate this sem, i feel worry and nervous when think that i have make my family disappointed.
I am really losing hope now ... four more papers ahead, but i dunno how to face everything anymore ~~~
Thursday, April 30, 2009
30/4/09 , 3.58am
刚与朋友喝完茶回来，糟糕！竟然吃了两串“luk luk”和一个虾肉汉堡再来一杯Teh Tarik。。。糟啦！今天上的俞家班又浪费了啦。吼~再这样下去，怎样减肥？？不过，我今天还没吃晚餐，就姑且的拿“还没吃晚餐”为理由吧 =p
最讨厌考试时期，因为，一来睡眠不定时，导致用餐也不定时。二来读书很吃脑力，导致容易感到肚子饿，哎。。。
不过，刚才的“温书中场休息”aka 喝茶时间也蛮愉快的，况且我也很久都没三更半夜出来喝茶了。曾经，我是个很爱外出的女生，凡是有节目或喝茶的，我都一定奉陪。但，不知甚么时候，什么事情，导致我渐渐的很少出外，更少去喝半夜茶了。朋友叫到，我都一一的退。为甚么这样？我也不知道。。也许，人老了吧，哈哈！
对了，刚才和朋友谈的很愉快，一切都因为我叫了个虾肉汉堡开始。因为我是一个不敢/不喜欢乱吃/尝试新的食物。所以当我叫了我第一次尝试的虾肉汉堡，米高就大惊了一下，然后话题就陆续而来。就开始谈到究竟我不吃什么。对我而言，于其你问我不吃什么，倒不如问我吃什么，这样我会比较容易回答。哈哈，总之是奇奇怪怪的，有四只脚的，或是大过我的东西，我都会害怕。那我都吃什么呢？鸡，海鲜（但也有不吃的），鸭（某些煮法的），猪（只是偶尔想吃猪肉粉时才吃，多数时候都不吃因为不喜欢猪的味道）。。。其余的菜类或谷类或什么的，只要不是味道怪怪的，只要是我熟悉的，我都会吃吧。
米高还要很坏的想想，我们的下一餐海鲜大餐就是偏要叫那些我不吃的海鲜，例如海参的。。。然后，我说吃海鲜时我也会很少吃螃蟹和虾，因为要剥壳，好麻烦哦，所以我都很少会吃的。。。结果，bear就说，那以后我的海鲜大餐是要special order的，例如，螃蟹就叫蟹柳吃，虾肉就叫虾丸吃，还蛮好笑的，从来没想过海鲜也可以来个这样的配搭，哈哈。。
想想，我以前都不认为自己很偏食，现在才发觉我是一个超级无敌的偏食王，哈哈！！
朋友都说，以后我的老公和孩子都很可怜，因为没机会尝试天下美食，也不会特地去煮一些我不爱吃的东西。但，我认为还好吧，我是不会阻止他们去品尝我所谓的怪食啊，只要他们想吃的，他们都可以去吃啊，未来老公于孩子们，放心吧，我是绝对不会阻止你们，最多我在一旁陪着，看着你们吃而已，哈哈。所以啊，我未来老公不可是和我一样，什么都不吃的人，要不然，我的孩子就真的好惨~~~
哦。。好困了，但不行，我一定要再读个两个小时才能睡！加油了！！
最讨厌考试时期，因为，一来睡眠不定时，导致用餐也不定时。二来读书很吃脑力，导致容易感到肚子饿，哎。。。
不过，刚才的“温书中场休息”aka 喝茶时间也蛮愉快的，况且我也很久都没三更半夜出来喝茶了。曾经，我是个很爱外出的女生，凡是有节目或喝茶的，我都一定奉陪。但，不知甚么时候，什么事情，导致我渐渐的很少出外，更少去喝半夜茶了。朋友叫到，我都一一的退。为甚么这样？我也不知道。。也许，人老了吧，哈哈！
对了，刚才和朋友谈的很愉快，一切都因为我叫了个虾肉汉堡开始。因为我是一个不敢/不喜欢乱吃/尝试新的食物。所以当我叫了我第一次尝试的虾肉汉堡，米高就大惊了一下，然后话题就陆续而来。就开始谈到究竟我不吃什么。对我而言，于其你问我不吃什么，倒不如问我吃什么，这样我会比较容易回答。哈哈，总之是奇奇怪怪的，有四只脚的，或是大过我的东西，我都会害怕。那我都吃什么呢？鸡，海鲜（但也有不吃的），鸭（某些煮法的），猪（只是偶尔想吃猪肉粉时才吃，多数时候都不吃因为不喜欢猪的味道）。。。其余的菜类或谷类或什么的，只要不是味道怪怪的，只要是我熟悉的，我都会吃吧。
米高还要很坏的想想，我们的下一餐海鲜大餐就是偏要叫那些我不吃的海鲜，例如海参的。。。然后，我说吃海鲜时我也会很少吃螃蟹和虾，因为要剥壳，好麻烦哦，所以我都很少会吃的。。。结果，bear就说，那以后我的海鲜大餐是要special order的，例如，螃蟹就叫蟹柳吃，虾肉就叫虾丸吃，还蛮好笑的，从来没想过海鲜也可以来个这样的配搭，哈哈。。
想想，我以前都不认为自己很偏食，现在才发觉我是一个超级无敌的偏食王，哈哈！！
朋友都说，以后我的老公和孩子都很可怜，因为没机会尝试天下美食，也不会特地去煮一些我不爱吃的东西。但，我认为还好吧，我是不会阻止他们去品尝我所谓的怪食啊，只要他们想吃的，他们都可以去吃啊，未来老公于孩子们，放心吧，我是绝对不会阻止你们，最多我在一旁陪着，看着你们吃而已，哈哈。所以啊，我未来老公不可是和我一样，什么都不吃的人，要不然，我的孩子就真的好惨~~~
哦。。好困了，但不行，我一定要再读个两个小时才能睡！加油了！！
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
29-04-09, 4.05am
Just came back from Mc.D with frens... we went to Mc.D last night at 11pm sth until 3am sth and just arrived home not long ago. Went there with fren to study for our final exam.
Well, hows my progress so far? not really good actually, as my progress is quite slow..... stil couldn't have the mood to study. Y ? i also not sure, at first i was thinking mayb i dun have the "study mood" in my own room, tats y i wish to have a new environtment to study, but where else to go ? i dun feel wan to go to the library, just because, i feel so lazy to walk out from house as well, hahahaha......
My first paper wil be on 2nd of May, then 4th of May, 7th of May and 8th of May (which will be two subjects on this day). Most suffering is that, i need to have three subjects continously on two days, which is 7th and 8th of May.... phew.... feel so stress when think about it. I just wish tat everything wil goes smoothly then after this exam, i wil be free and can do things tat i like to do !! Yeah ~~~
Gambatte gambatte !! Actually felt great to study at Mc.D just now, at least, there has air con, there has yummy yummy food and also there has a kid's land, which comfortable floor. Why i say so ? because one of my fren went in to study at 1st, went into the kid's land and sit on the soft floor.... after tat, i also joined in and realised that there is quite a comfortable place to study too, luckily no one chase us out as we are far out from the age of "kid" already and that's actually a small play ground for the kids, hehe .... Well, you might try it out next time to study inside the kid's wonderland. But make sure u dun scare the kid, hehe .....
This is our final semester and after this, we have no more chance to study together for final exam anymore. Suddenly memories came out for how did i go thru my study weeks for this four years of studies. During the first year, we stil used to go to the uni study room to study, since there is air con too and there are many smart student studying there, so that we can ask for their help if we need help. But, as usual, normally will study more harder during the mid night time, i also dunno y, mayb already used to it since secondary school, to study very late at night. Anyway, it was really a memorable time where we can do revision with frens, chit chat with frens when feel tired, nap inside the study room when feel sleepy, went to "yam ca" after finish study at very late at night ... I would say, tat's wat we called " young " . Imagine after step into the working life, i believe this might not be happen all the time anymore.
During the 2nd/3rd year of studies, i used to study at my fren's house which near my house. We used to call there as HQ since inside the house itself, there are already 3 person who is at the same course, thats y, there is always our gathering place since they have the majorities there. Well, although there dun have air con, dun have yummy yummy food, but there is always bed awaiting you to lie on to study, and tats y it ended up always fall asleep than to study. What most unforgattble is that always a day before exam, we will really burn the mid night oil and be very co-operative so that we take turns to nap and then take turns to wake up to continue study. At least, it wont be boring to study there, since there are frens around to study together with me =)
Heading to the end of my uni life, i feel happy and at the same time, i feel a bit down, because, time passed so fast and after this, all frens will then either back to their hometown or go to somewhere to work. I appreciate every frens that i had during this 4 years of studies, and i really wish that we can keep in touch forever.
Nowadays, there is one issue that we have not yet settle, that is where to go for our grad trip? I had a grad trip with another gang of the uni frens but not yet have any planning for grad trip for this gang of fren tat i always stick with ... well, partly because everyone of us wanted to go different places, and some even wan to go oversea. For my financial status now, i dun think i can go oversea with them, anyway, i wish that we can really have a memorable grad trip together, also, i wish that there stil be a chance for us to go traveling together even after we come out to work. Anyway, i believe that, as long as we keep in touch often and maintain our friendship, there surely be a chance, right ? = )
Bye uni in 2 weeks time, but frens, NEVER say good bye between us, keep in touch ya = )
Good luck and all the best to my frens and all who are having exam at the moment, gambatte !!
Well, hows my progress so far? not really good actually, as my progress is quite slow..... stil couldn't have the mood to study. Y ? i also not sure, at first i was thinking mayb i dun have the "study mood" in my own room, tats y i wish to have a new environtment to study, but where else to go ? i dun feel wan to go to the library, just because, i feel so lazy to walk out from house as well, hahahaha......
My first paper wil be on 2nd of May, then 4th of May, 7th of May and 8th of May (which will be two subjects on this day). Most suffering is that, i need to have three subjects continously on two days, which is 7th and 8th of May.... phew.... feel so stress when think about it. I just wish tat everything wil goes smoothly then after this exam, i wil be free and can do things tat i like to do !! Yeah ~~~
Gambatte gambatte !! Actually felt great to study at Mc.D just now, at least, there has air con, there has yummy yummy food and also there has a kid's land, which comfortable floor. Why i say so ? because one of my fren went in to study at 1st, went into the kid's land and sit on the soft floor.... after tat, i also joined in and realised that there is quite a comfortable place to study too, luckily no one chase us out as we are far out from the age of "kid" already and that's actually a small play ground for the kids, hehe .... Well, you might try it out next time to study inside the kid's wonderland. But make sure u dun scare the kid, hehe .....
This is our final semester and after this, we have no more chance to study together for final exam anymore. Suddenly memories came out for how did i go thru my study weeks for this four years of studies. During the first year, we stil used to go to the uni study room to study, since there is air con too and there are many smart student studying there, so that we can ask for their help if we need help. But, as usual, normally will study more harder during the mid night time, i also dunno y, mayb already used to it since secondary school, to study very late at night. Anyway, it was really a memorable time where we can do revision with frens, chit chat with frens when feel tired, nap inside the study room when feel sleepy, went to "yam ca" after finish study at very late at night ... I would say, tat's wat we called " young " . Imagine after step into the working life, i believe this might not be happen all the time anymore.
During the 2nd/3rd year of studies, i used to study at my fren's house which near my house. We used to call there as HQ since inside the house itself, there are already 3 person who is at the same course, thats y, there is always our gathering place since they have the majorities there. Well, although there dun have air con, dun have yummy yummy food, but there is always bed awaiting you to lie on to study, and tats y it ended up always fall asleep than to study. What most unforgattble is that always a day before exam, we will really burn the mid night oil and be very co-operative so that we take turns to nap and then take turns to wake up to continue study. At least, it wont be boring to study there, since there are frens around to study together with me =)
Heading to the end of my uni life, i feel happy and at the same time, i feel a bit down, because, time passed so fast and after this, all frens will then either back to their hometown or go to somewhere to work. I appreciate every frens that i had during this 4 years of studies, and i really wish that we can keep in touch forever.
Nowadays, there is one issue that we have not yet settle, that is where to go for our grad trip? I had a grad trip with another gang of the uni frens but not yet have any planning for grad trip for this gang of fren tat i always stick with ... well, partly because everyone of us wanted to go different places, and some even wan to go oversea. For my financial status now, i dun think i can go oversea with them, anyway, i wish that we can really have a memorable grad trip together, also, i wish that there stil be a chance for us to go traveling together even after we come out to work. Anyway, i believe that, as long as we keep in touch often and maintain our friendship, there surely be a chance, right ? = )
Bye uni in 2 weeks time, but frens, NEVER say good bye between us, keep in touch ya = )
Good luck and all the best to my frens and all who are having exam at the moment, gambatte !!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Yeah ! Finally everything end ............. with disappointment ( but at least feel so happy and relax now )
Finally i have finished my finale presentation for my four years or degree course..... Although, there are so much disappointment this morning during the presentation as my results of research seems to have nothing to deal with my research title... well, there is no point for me to think too much now, so just accept it and go on with my life ya ^^
Felt so so happy and relax today, because after so many weeks of busy life to rush for every assignments, thesis, and so on, finally everything come to an end today..... next, i will need to concentrate more on my final exam which will be on 2/4/7/8 of May...... All the best to everyone ^^
Muacks ..... XOXO
Felt so so happy and relax today, because after so many weeks of busy life to rush for every assignments, thesis, and so on, finally everything come to an end today..... next, i will need to concentrate more on my final exam which will be on 2/4/7/8 of May...... All the best to everyone ^^
Muacks ..... XOXO
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
15-4-2009, 5.22AM
Still rushing for my thesis at the moment .... oppss.... and suddenly rain heavily here .... the night was so quiet and really rain heavily outside which make me feel a little bit scary..
Still working hard for my thesis, but then, still no idea to make it perfect... suppose to pass up later, but then now i doubt whether can i pass up in time ?? Feeling a little down now, and feels like wan to give up everything.
Drank a cup of coffee, but it makes me feel even more sleepy ... @.@? .... even caffein also cant help me now. Oh no .... i am really feeling sleepy and blank in mind.....
Can i do it ? can i do it ?? I know no matter how i stil need to continue ! Ganbatte to me and everyone who is rushing thesis at the moment !
Monday, April 13, 2009
Thesis oh Thesis ~~~~
Been so stress recently cz need to rush up for the thesis, which suppose today i need to pass up to my supervisor to see whether is there anything to do for correction before the final submission, which is also this week, wednesday (15/4/09)..... OMG !!
Coming to the final year, final sem and even final week of my uni life... never expect that my life is still so stressful.. sigh.... thesis tis week, presentation next week, then final exam for 2 weeks later from now .....
Not that i dun wan to do my thesis, but then i really have no idea wat to write at all. Title of my thesis been changed for many times, after tat, wasted a lot of times to wait for machines and also materials. When the so called new and more hi-tech machine arrived, i din even have the chance to feel how hi-tech is the machine, then it breaks down.... wat the ..... sigh ...... Used up few weeks to polish my baby specimens, wanted to go for SEM at UM, went there, but do not have the EDX to scan the composition, which is the main aim why we went to UM to use its SEM. So.... end up, we have nothing, onli microscopic pictures that taken by optical microscope.......
Without anything, any end result ? what are we going to write huh ?? Looking at those pictures, seems like it means nothing, what to write ???
I am trying so hard to fall in love with those micrographs, but still have no feel and idea on what to write in my thesis... One of my fren said, i never give chance, thats y cannot fall in love, haha... funny him...
Feeling so stress at the moment, wishing that i could go out for a crazy night ........ Anyone there to help me out from this jail ?? Help ~~~~~~
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